


Beginning to Heal

by Willowflower_Waterlily



Series: Letting Go (Leandra Bethany Hawke, Series 2 ) [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 08:43:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4558131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowflower_Waterlily/pseuds/Willowflower_Waterlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leandra starts to question and work through her pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beginning to Heal

Sitting on the edge of the pallet, Leandra checks Will’s pulse. Lifting his head up, she feeds him a healing potion and some water. Leandra studies his face. The lines and creases smoothed out for the first time in days, though he still hasn’t woken up.

Holding his hand between hers, tears fill her eyes as she stares down at it before moving her gaze back up to his face. “Please, wake up soon.” Her eyes stay locked onto him, almost as though she thinks she can make him wake up again by the sheer force of her will. He needs to wake up, she needs him to. She never apologized for what she said when he first joined her, and, it’s her fault he got hurt. If only she had been more insistent that he left her before, he wouldn’t be unconscious for days after having experienced agonizing pain.

Pacing in the cabin, Leandra is too worried to go far from Will’s side. There could be more of those people around. What if they stumble upon the cabin like she did? If Leandra left Will to go hunting, he could be killed as he sleeps.

 

Opening his eyes, Will looks around disorientated. His gaze falls on Leandra, who’s pacing and muttering to herself. “Leandra,” Will whispers, his voice hoarse. Leandra stops mid-stride and closes the distance between them. Sitting beside him, she hands Will a skin of water.

“I’m sorry I could protect you better.” Tears shine in her eyes, her chin quivering. “It’s my fault you were hurt. I didn’t know if or when you would wake up again. I didn’t know if I would ever get the chance to tell you how sorry I am for what I said to you when you caught up with me after I fought the bandits.”

Sitting up, Will caresses Leandra’s cheek. “Lea, look at me.” She shakes her head, looking down to avoid his gaze. “It’s not your fault I got injured. You took on four men alone, and killed them.”

“I should have gotten them all.” Leandra pulls away from Will’s touch, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I should have made you leave me.”

Will cautiously stands, reaching out to Leandra, pulling her into an embrace. His heart breaks for her, guilt settling in his stomach. If he died, his death would have been added to the deaths Leandra already blames herself for. He should have been more careful, found a way to evade the Templar.

“I want to be here, the risk is mine to take.” Will tightens his hold on Leandra when she starts to shake as she cries. “You can’t do everything yourself, Lea.”

“Forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive.” Will presses a kiss into her golden hair. When she pulls away from him, he takes a better look at her face. He sees the bags under her eyes that he hadn’t noticed before. When was the last time she slept? Had she eaten lately? Cupping her cheeks with his hands, Will gets Leandra to look him in the eyes. “Have you been taking care of yourself?”

Leandra shakes her head, trying to stifle a yawn. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I wanted to make sure you were taken care of, and I was worried there might be others from that group still out there. It didn’t seem like a random encounter. They were too well armored. I think they were waiting for someone.”

“You need to sleep, lay down on the pallet.”

“No, you need it more than I do. I have a spot set up for myself.” Leandra motions to an area on the floor where she has her bed roll and all of her gear. “You were injured, I’m fine.”

 

The pain from five years of self-imposed exile surrounds her, like winds in a violent storm doing damage to her heart and soul as it rages around her. The wall she constructed to protect herself crumbled and fell, starting when her siblings and Will showed up out of the blue. It finished collapsing when Will was hurt.

Closing her eyes, Leandra pretends she will see her father again when she opens them. Standing in the woods, she wishes he were there with her, hunting together like they used to years ago. As much as she loves her mother, it was always her father that she went to for advice. What would he think of what she’s become? Would he understand or be ashamed of her?

Questions Will asked float in her mind, as she walks back to the cabin with dinner in hand. _If you were there and died, wouldn’t the grief her father and siblings felt be so much worse? Don’t you know what you mean to your family, to me?_ Leandra sees Will in her mind’s eye, looking down with his hand clenched into fists. Fighting the urge to comfort him, Leandra left to hunt instead. Tracking down game for their dinner, and gathering herbs and water has become her refuge in the weeks they have been in the Hinterlands. Alone with her thoughts, like she was for five years, but it’s different this time.

What did she mean to people, her family and Will? Did it matter if she didn’t think it of herself? Would she ever truly feel herself worthy of their love? Leandra always felt she deserved the punishment she gave herself, but what if she was wrong? Did she let her guilt wrap itself too tightly around her heart?

 

Leandra isn’t sure what stays her tongue as she and Will eat in silence. Is it out of habit or her pride? Maybe after five years of almost complete isolation, she’s forgotten how to. Leandra wants to talk to Will, to open herself up again, but how? She isn’t even sure what she wants to say. Only that she needs to speak to someone.

“Are you okay, Leandra?” Will’s voice breaks her train of thought, his gentle touch on her hand making Leandra realize she was staring off into space.

“I’m fine.” Leandra snaps, glowering at Will. He pulls his hand back as though he had been bitten, worry in his eyes. Sighing, Leandra frowns looking away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh. It’s just…”

“I understand.” Will reaches for her hands again, and Leandra lets him hold them. “You haven’t had someone to talk to in five years. It will take you time to relearn how to. Just know that I am here for you, always.”

“Thank you,” Leandra whispers, blushing when Will kisses her cheek.

 

Leandra sits by a small pond not far from the cabin. Taking a deep breath, she tries to find peace within herself before she tries to answer the questions plaguing her.

“I can help.” Cole’s voice startles Leandra, her gaze jumping from the pond to the gangly spirit. She stares at him for a moment, before deciding it would be too easy to accept his help. It needs to be difficult, it needs to hurt. Cole kneels in front of her, wrapping his arms around her.

Feeling overwhelmed, Leandra buries her face into the crook of his neck and sobs. Rocking with Leandra in his arms, Cole hums a soothing song her mother used to sing when she was little.

“There was nothing you could do. I couldn’t help him either.” Leandra pulls herself out of Cole’s arms, looking into his eyes. “He wanted to die. The only person who could have helped him was your mother.”

“I could have tried.” Leandra bites her lower lip, her eyes filling up with tears. “Why are you here? How did you find me?”

Cole hands her a stack of folded parchment. “I was asked to find you and to give them to you. They will help you.”

“Do I deserve to be helped?”

“Yes, you do.” Cole smiles at her, hope in his eyes before he vanishes.

Leandra opens the top parchment and starts to read. Tears roll down her cheeks as she goes through the letters from her siblings, Cullen, Solana, Leliana, and Josephine. They all say a different variation of the same things. How much they care for her, are worried about her, wish they could help her heal, and how loved she is not only by them but others she had been in contact with when she was in Skyhold.

A strangled sob escapes Leandra’s throat when she opens the last letter. “Daddy…” Fighting the urge to curl up into a ball and cry uncontrollably, she forces herself to read her father’s words.

_My Lea,_

_If you are reading this then I am dead. I am so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you, and continue to cause you. It’s not your fault I’m gone. There was nothing you could have done to help me. Please know that I love you, and have always loved you, from the moment I first laid eyes on you when you were born. I am so proud of you._

_It breaks my heart to know that there are things I will miss with you and your siblings. Experience them for me, live for me. Know that the only measure of happiness I’ve had in these dark days is that you and Lucy aren’t here to see how broken I’ve become. Junior and Solana are going to need you. Please be strong for them. I know it’s selfish of me, that all of my actions have been selfish, but your mother was my everything. I am sorry._

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     _Love always,_ _Daddy_

 

Will kneels in front of Leandra, having been told she needs him from a strange looking boy. He embraces her tightly, letting her cry on his shoulder. His heart aches for her, knowing how much pain she’s bottled up inside, knowing that she will have to feel it all for her to heal properly. Will wishes he could take it all away for her, but he can’t. All he can do is be there for her, and hope it’s enough.

After a while her tears subside and her breathing becomes steady. Looking down at her, he sees she’s fallen asleep in his arms, still clutching a small pile of parchment. Picking her up, Will cradles Leandra in his arms and carries her back to the cabin.


End file.
